I’ve discussed guilt and running here before, I know.
But since I’m going through a mega bout of runner’s guilt this morning, I thought I’d share my anguish with you. Sort of vent all over you, and hope I’ll feel less guilty by the end of it all.
I was supposed to do a 10km trail run this morning.
There were many excellent reasons for signing up & paying for the Bhatti run:
a) I wanted to run
b) It would’ve been good practice for my upcoming climb to Banderpoonch next week
c) I’m training for a marathon so need every run I can get
d) I’d promised to help in a plogging initiative after the run with my co-PloggersofIndia friend Ripu Daman, at the specific invitation of the race organisers
e) Never been to Bhatti and very much wanted to see the area, especially in company, for safety
So, yes, lots of valid reasons for getting up and hitting the trail.
It was raining at 4.00 when I got up.
And so I went back to bed.
I didn’t want to risk slipping on a wet, muddy trail a week before leaving for my climb.
And, of course, when I woke up a couple of hours later, and of course it wasn’t raining, I felt awful and regretful and foolish and guilty and…
Why all the guilt?
As I remember asking in my last blog post on the subject, do swimmers feel guilty when they don’t swim? Or footballers when they don’t play?
Just what is it about this running gig that makes us feel so bad if we skip a run?
Today’s guilt is admittedly largely because of the plogging initiative, which I could easily have gone for without running. I only realised that when I woke up. Wasn’t thinking that clearly at 4 o’clock in the morning.
There’s huge guilt at letting a friend down.
But in my case – and I am a tad obsessive about things I love and care about – it’s the endless calculation of how much time till my marathon vs the brutal Delhi summer weather + missed opportunity + + +
Why does missing a run through thorny, rocky countryside in the heat fill me with such regret?
Welcome to runner’s guilt.
That’s the one thing they don’t tell you about when you start running.