Just what the hell is wrong with me?

What kind of obsessive person have I become?

What has happened to me?

Picture the scene.

Hubby is away on a business trip, meaning that my pre-dawn alarm won’t elicit the usual grumbles.

I ate dinner unfashionably early, & went to bed really, really early (home alone, remember? 😛 ) all primed to be up and out of the door to do my long run this morning.

Being home alone means I can run/exercise/work out with none of the usual guilt associated with a non-running/non-sporty family.

Woke up, felt so damn tired that I promptly went back to sleep.

When I eventually surfaced yes, I felt refreshed but OH SO GUILTY.

GUILTY.

CROSS WITH MYSELF.

IRRITATED THAT I HADN’T RUN.

IRRITATED AT A WASTED OPPORTUNITY.

I repeat, what the hell is wrong with me?!!

How come I no longer enjoy a sleep-in?

What has running done to me? 😛

The weather in Delhi (where I live) is currently vile beyond belief at the moment. It is hot and horridly humid, meaning (realistically) that if you’re not out running at dawn, it’ll be miserable.

So this morning was a perfect opportunity to be out running for 3 hours, guilt-free, no questions asked, no complaints of the usual “you’re never around, always out running” variety.

AND I BLEW IT!

Now, of course, I feel wretched.

While drinking my morning coffee, for a few moments I actually thought that the day ahead of me was already a waste of time. Spoiled because I hadn’t run.

Please tell me I’m not alone, feeling like this? Or am I over-reacting?

Can you believe it, but I started calculating how many weeks I have until my next marathon – in mid-January – & how many weekends I have till then & how many long runs I can fit in & have I already blown it by not running this morning and…and…get a grip, Christine!

Get. A. Grip.

So what am I doing about this guilt-trip?`

Well…..

I’ll go for a training walk this evening, weather permitting. I have a 6476m climb in less than a month, involving a different form of training…gotta break my new boots in…

I’ll try and run early tomorrow morning instead. But will that interfere with my yoga class? Answer, yes. Should I cancel yoga? No,I need it. Oh heck, how can i fit it all in?

Why oh why oh why is there so little time when there’s so much to be done?! So much training? So many good intentions to keep fit.

So, I’ll end as I began.

Asking the question “just what the hell is wrong with me?”

And I think the answer is, quite simply, that I am a runner 🙂

And not running is, well, it’s hell.

One comment

  • Hi. Been there. Hope my advice below is not construed as carrying coals to Newcastle:

    You have just crossed the Puppy Love stage of running. Welcome to Stage 2.
    A few pointers over it:
    1. Listen to your body (by now we know the distinction between laziness and real fatugue/pain)
    2. Don’t beat yourself up over missing a run.
    3. Do not let the world feel your sulk – that’s when Friends & Family say with sarcasm – “For God’d sake, go run!”
    4. Who says you HAVE to run in the morning?
    5. Who says you HAVE to run outdoors (no I am not talking about a treadmill)
    6. Who says you have to push yourself?

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